Nerves of Marshmallow

So I submitted a video to work with a tv show today. I'm sort of torn between "Can I do this?" and "I can do this!" I applied a few months ago and actually had forgotten it. Not for any reason other than I never expected a return call. I really would like to do this.....but it's such a big deal. I don't know that I'd be able to handle the nasty things that could come with it. Or even the great things. lol. I know in the end this is probably my most confusing post to date. But I promise, when the time is right......I'll let you in on my secret. Of course, by that time, it may not be a secret anymore. LOL. I have a big mouth.

On to the nerves of marshmallow.....that title should say steel, huh? That's not me. I'm always a bundle of nerves but I mask it with giggles, smiles, and chattiness. There have been many, many times where I thought I would pass out from being so excited and nervous. It's one of those feelings that leaves you not quite sure how to follow through. I notice I also feel like it's a sign of weakness. If I'm not in control, then what do I have? As I'm getting older, it's becoming more interesting to watch myself and how I react to things. I love to watch things.....but I never used to watch myself.

Now I try to pay closer attention. If I notice myself backing off simply due to marshmallow nerves or being uncertain of something.....I simply reign in those feelings and push on. I'll never know what could be if I keep stepping back at every opportunity.

I took a big step this morning.